Retired and Tired

Tonight is the eve of my first Social Security payment. According to the records, that deposit will take place on October 8. I already celebrated with a few bottles of wine over the weekend, then poured out the rest. I have been anticipating anxiously waiting for this for close to two years, even occasionally asking Alexa, "Hey Alexa, how many days till October 8th?"

I made the decision to retire at 62 rather than waiting till full retirement age for several very good reasons. First, I need the money now. I have a car with a misfiring cylinder that has kept me from traveling anywhere meaningful for over a year. I have driven so little this year that I am actually on the second tank of gas since January. After shelling out over $3000 in car repairs over the last three years, I think it's time to put this one to rest. After I pay all or most of my credit card bill that financed said repairs, I will be looking for a decent used car with a warranty.

Second, self-employment has been my career choice since 1998. It has allowed me to do a lot of things that I would not be able to do if I had an in-person job. I produced four documentaries and have written over a dozen books. But 27 years of constantly looking for and then completing work has taken a toll. I noticed a major shift in the economy in 2008, and I do not believe we ever recovered.

So for 17 years, I have taken on roommates. Several have stayed for years, but many have left or were kicked out because they stopped paying rent. One decided he needed his rent money to take his girlfriend to Disney World. Another was employed by the NRA and had clear signs of narcissistic personality disorder. Another set two fires in the kitchen because he liked to pour oil into his cast iron pan and walk away. One stalked me from outside my locked bedroom door and sent threatening text messages because I told him he would have to move out. He was five months unemployed and looking elsewhere. Another was a recovering alcoholic who would disappear and lock himself into hotel rooms. I took him to detox and the hospital several times. I found out he died a few years back.

I don't normally talk in such detail about people I have encountered, but I think it's time people know that life has been extremely difficult for me. There are so many people out there who don't understand what it's like to struggle alone. They are married and have two incomes, or they've inherited a home or more from family members. Or they still live at home in their 30s and never had to face the sheer responsibility and anxiety of all finances and bills.

Has all this stress made me grumpy? Hell yeah! Without a doubt.

But now, I have extra income. I can work toward a better future than I've had. I can pay off my bills, get a car, and maybe go on vacations. I will still work, of course, but at least I won't have to take on some of the clients that made my life miserable. And maybe I won't have to work my fingers to the bone to make and sell macramé decor anymore. It's a hobby that I took up during Covid, and sales at craft events over the past three years really did prevent me from going homeless.

I know I made the choice to be self-employed. It was my American Dream after dealing with the stresses of corporate life for over a decade. I'm sure if I had stayed in a 9 to 5, I wouldn't be in the financial situation I am in now. But what kind of life would that have been? Not one I would enjoy, for sure.

So I guess you take the bumps that come with freedom of choice and try to ride the wave. I'm sure there are going to be many more challenges ahead, not to mention worrying about whether or not we'll even have a country in two years. But at least tonight—or when I actually see that first check deposited—I can sleep a little better.

Subscribe to my Blog for new posts.